Nothing bring out our hypocritical puritanical streak like a good sex scandal. We especially like ones that involve politicians so we can get particularly indignant about it all. Imagine our communal joy when it was uncovered that Home Secretary Jacqui Smith’s husband had not only watched some late night adult movies, but had the cheek to get them charged to the taxpayer on his wife’s expenses. Oh sweet schadenfreude! Not only are our political class corrupt and inept, but they are also dirty, disgusting perverts!

Last weekend I was lounging in my bedroom with the one and only GingaDale ambivalently watching some porn he had brought over, when somehow we got onto the topic of pornography – don’t ask me how it happened – and he was telling me about a radio phone in he had heard earlier in the week that was about whether it is moral to use porn when you are in a relationship. Naturally, being a radio phone in, it had to cleverly get complete loons in from both ends of the spectrum, from the “I would show my kids porn” to the “genital love is supposed to be special, pornography degrades this”.

It is episodes like this that prove what a complete hangover we have from the body hating Judeo-Christian tradition, with its screamishness and moralising about sex and sexuality. The people who complain the loudest are normally the ones buggering schoolboys on the wasteground behind Morrisons, being whipped by a dominatrix on a weekend or watching “Chicks With Dicks 5″ whilst their spouse is out.

I also wish these angry voices of the common man would not assume that pornography was the preserve of dirty old men. Yes, of course it is mainly a ‘guy thing’, bless their visual tendencies, but increasingly, as the stigma attached to dirty movies has receded and the internet has made material available on demand, it is being used in relationships and also by women. I sometimes like to indulge in watching porn myself; you know once in a while and I am either feeling too lazy or jaded with the real thing to go out and locate some charitable manwhore, I will watch some porn and get off, well, assuming I can stop myself laughing at the porn cliches of course.

Should I feel bad about this? Of course not. Would it be a problem in a relationship? Potentially it could, if you feel it has to be your dirty secret that you cannot share with your partner, and certainly if you were a porn addict, then yeah, like any addiction, you are going to have problems whether you are in a relationship or not.

“You up for some special ‘genital love’ then?” Ginga asked me.

“Going to have to pass on that”

“Well, you do realise you shouldn’t masturbate to porn anymore right?”

“I have one message to people who tell me I can’t masturbate and you know what that is. They need to….”

“Go fuck themselves!” we immaturely shouted in unison.

I was thinking of a Wankers Of The World Unite campaign, but then I saw they already had united…

X- Lon -X